I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just high enough for therapy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
