I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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