i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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