her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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