So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
