Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
