Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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