i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
