dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
As shirtless as possible
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
