We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
