hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
