Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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