I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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