I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
