Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
