Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
