I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
