i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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