Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
