I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
