Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
