I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
