yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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