the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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