Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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