She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
