so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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