We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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