Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
