my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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