Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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