You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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