tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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