Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've blown a few things in my day
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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