If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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