I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize