I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
