meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
