What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
