It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
