grandma shit on top of the toilet
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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