woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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