tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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