I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Its about making memories worth repressing
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
