If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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