my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
