Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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