i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
