I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
