Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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