no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
