i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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