My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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