You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
