If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
