dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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