I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
