What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
