he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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