the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
