I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
