Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
