I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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