singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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