I cannot find my penis.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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