i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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