i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
