she woke up with a sticky ear
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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