So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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