Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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