he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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