No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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