Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
