They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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