i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
