Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
