i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
