If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
