I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
