I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
