There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
