the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
