Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
