When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
