I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
